That’s very common.

For many children, especially as they grow out of toddlerhood, physical contact with a trusted caregiver becomes brief and practical, as in a hug at bedtime, help with a scraped knee, or holding hands while crossing the street. Consequently, purposeful, calm touch, as in massage, can feel unfamiliar at first.

The same can be true for adults. Many caregivers may not have much experience giving this kind of touch, even within a caring relationship.

Lullaby Massage is designed with both the child and the adult in mind. It is soothing for children, and simple, familiar, and guided by rhyme for adults. so caregivers don’t have to improvise or feel they have to “know what to do.”

It begins in a face-to-face position, starting with massage of the hands and feet. This creates an easy starting point for both caregivers and children.

Some children settle right away; others need time. Some adults feel comfortable immediately; others grow into the routine alongside the child. Both are typical. What matters is that the experience unfolds at a shared pace, within a relationship that is already familiar and caring.

Yes, in at least three ways:

First, child massage is gentler. Use less pressure.

Second, whereas massage for adults can take a full hour, children prefer massages that are of shorter duration. So, Lullaby Massage is designed to take less than a quarter of an hour.

Third, whereas adults are happy to have massage administered by a complete stranger, most children need to receive massage from an individual who is not a stranger, and instead is someone they feel comfortable with.

So, Lullaby Massage starts off in the face-to-face position. This enables visual contact and non-verbal communication, such as a nod of reassurance. In addition, the protocol starts with massage of the extremities, so that initial forms of contact reach the hands and feet, rather than the shoulders and back. Together, these features provide time and a way for a child to feel comfortable with massage and with the adult who is administering it.

As is clear to anyone familiar with massage, it is impossible to administer it on someone who does not stay still. Whereas babies, who are too young to crawl, do not need to be coaxed into staying still for massage, toddlers and young children are mobile and active. Most are not inclined to stay still long enough to find out what massage has to offer.

Lullaby Massage overcomes barriers to stillness by starting with face-to-face positioning that enables eye contact and non-verbal communication, as well as poems with language that captures attention and entertains. Also, Lullaby Massage is designed to last only 12 minutes. Unlike baby massage that can easily last for longer periods, Lullaby Massage is designed to be short and sweet.

Together, these features engage children and promote acceptance. So, in most cases, even the liveliest toddlers are able to be still long enough to discover the pleasure that is brought about by massage.

Start by simply reading the 12 poems to your child. Once the poems become familiar, include the massage strokes.

It is not necessary to include all of the massages, all at the same time. It can be gradual. For example, some find it easiest to start by adding only the massage strokes for the feet and legs. Then, add the strokes for the hands and arms, and finally include those for the tummy, back, shoulders, and head.

If you're still unsure, seek verbal feedback by performing the massage on an adult or on another child who can give you verbal feedback. You can even see what it feels like to have that person perform the massage on you.

Look for body language that suggests stillness (as opposed to fidgeting and restlessness), and listen for the sound of regular, deep breathing.

Also, take advantage of facial expressions, such as smiling, that are available during the massages that are conducted while your child faces you.

If these cues seem insufficient, seek verbal feedback. A positive response to a simple query, such as, "Does this feel too hard?" will let you know that you need to lighten pressure. A positive response to, "Does this make you feel ticklish?" lets you know that slightly more pressure is in order.

The goal is to create a short, sweet massage that is not overly taxing for both parents and children. And with practice, all it takes is 12 minutes.

If you need help or have doubts, try recording the 12 poems. You'll find that you need only 4 min to read the 7 poems for the arms and legs on one side, and 4 min to repeat them for the child's other side. Then pause for 1 min for time to reposition the child and take 3 min to read the 5 poems for the shoulders, back and head. Total is 12.

Unlike older children and adults, toddlers and young children do not appreciate or accept massage until they feel comfortable with it, both physically and psychologically. Lullaby Massage is designed to foster acceptance by providing children with a unique combination of exceptionally appealing sensory experiences:

These include sensations of touch that are exquisite and especially satisfying by being combined with the sound of your voice and the meaning of language in poems that expresses playfulness and reassurance.

The sense of pleasure that arises is boosted even further by visual contact. This is made possible by Lullaby Massage starting with massage strokes that are done while your child faces you. Especially when it includes eye contact and smiles, nonverbal communication through visual contact generates feelings of closeness that are profoundly fulfilling.

So, make Lullaby Massage part of a regular routine, and give it some time. Before long, most children come to appreciate its benefits: relaxation, easy sleep, and happiness that comes from a secure bond with a trusted caregiver.

There are creative ways in which children like your daughter can be eased into accepting Lullaby Massage. There are children who are increasingly agreeable if they are introduced to massage that is applied only to the hands or feet. Others are willing to accept one or two massage/poems of their own choosing. Still others are ok with massage if the lights are on, or if their clothing is to their liking, or if they can hold a comfort object, such as a teddy bear. Even though the route to full acceptance can take time and flexibility, the results can be especially gratifying for parents.

Studies show that as it becomes part of a regular routine, massage helps children manage symptoms commonly linked with issues, such as, autism (ASD), attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), painful medical procedures, and emotional dysregulation that can arise from anxiety and/or trauma.

Because it is a non-pharmacological intervention that does not cause negative side effects, medical professionals and parenting experts recommend it for children with a wide range of special needs.

Nevertheless, to be certain that massage is safe to try out with your child, it is a good idea to seek the advice of your child’s pediatrician or therapist. If the therapist has doubts, bring along your copy of Lullaby Massage. This can help the therapist understand the massage treatment and even tailor it so that it addresses issues that pertain to your child in particular.

Yes. The sequence that the book offers is one that works most of the time for most children - but as parents know, every child is different. So, feel free to find out what works best for your particular child.

If your goal is sleep, the ideal location is your child's bed. If the child sleeps in a crib, some parents find a comfortable spot that is close by, such as a carpeted area or a sofa, and transfer the child to the crib when they reach the concluding massage of the head.

If sleep if not your goal, then feel free to use any location where the opportunity presents itself.