ORIGIN
HOW LULLABY MASSAGE BEGAN
​A Moment in a Burn Unit
That Changed Everything
Years ago, I was working on a massage therapy study in a pediatric burn unit when I was introduced to a young boy with bandages and fear-filled eyes. I didn’t speak his language, and there seemed to be no way I could approach him without causing him to shrink away from me. For him, touch meant pain.
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Sensing that a massage might not be well received, I chose a different path.
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I pantomimed looking around the room for a telephone, then looked right at the boy and asked, “Do you have a telephone? I looked down at his foot, held out my hand and asked, "Can I use your telephone?”
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Without a moment's hesitation, he lifted his foot and placed it into my open hand.
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I gently lifted his foot to my ear as if answering a call, and said, "Hello?" Then I looked at his other foot and said, “Answer the phone, please,” at which point he lifted it to his ear, and said, “Hello.”
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​In that moment, this little boy gave me something more than just his foot. He gave me permission. His body had not been forced or persuaded. It had been invited. And happily, though somewhat to my surprise, it said yes.
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​The idea for the “telephone” came from a game I loved to play at home with my own daughter, who was about his age. In that moment in the hospital, I had taken off my scientist’s hat and put on my mother’s and with that shift, I knew what to do.
How the Rhyme-and-Touch
Method Was Born
I went home thinking, maybe there is a way to turn this into something parents can actually use.
By this time, research was showing that massage could benefit, not only babies and adults, but also children. Yet, most guidance for children’s massage was too complicated or demanding for families to use in everyday life.
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Rather than asking caregivers to administer some complicated, frankly tedious and possibly awkward form of massage, I began to wonder if there might be a way to design a massage method so that parents would be drawn in by the prospect of participating in a natural and mutually enjoyable form of play.
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At that point, another chapter of my life resurfaced: my early years as a ballet teacher. To help my youngest students memorize a sequence of steps with French that were hard to remember, I created easily recalled terms that conjured aligned images, like “blowing kisses” for a movement known as ports de bras. From there, poems and small stories naturally followed.
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I did the same for naming massage motions, translating them into poems that a child, and a caregiver, could easily understand.
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While involved in the burn unit study, I was also engaged in research on the effectiveness of massage for preschool-aged children where I had the opportunity to observe professional massage therapists. ​Drawing on these observations, I selected motions for massaging a child's hands, feet, arms, legs, tummy, back, and head, and gave each one a memorable, child-friendly name or theme that matched the motion.
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Then, I turned the names into 12 poems using language that communicated messages, some for caregivers, others for children. ​​ Those for caregivers conveyed images of what their hands should do and where they should go. For children, they served to capture attention and communicate friendliness, warmth, and harmony.
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Inspired by contact with the little boy in the hospital burn unit, my first poem was, Telephone:
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Ding-a-ling-a-ling
Would you like to take this call?
Hello? Anybody home?
Can I put you on hold?
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For calling long distance
Press one, two, three
For assistance press zero
The operator’s me.
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That silly sounding poem engages children's attention. In addition, it serves as a way of greeting a child, introducing the caregiver, inviting participation, and asking for permission. For caregivers, the language and imagery convey subtle, movement-based cues, guiding them to press on the ball and heel of the child’s foot, and avoid the middle section, which can be ticklish.
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The second poem I wrote was Valentines:
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Valentines from east to west
Valentines as we rest
Valentines from me to you
Valentine, good night, too-da-loo….
Drawing on the symbolism and shape that goes with a heart, Valentines instructs caregivers to glide their hands across a child's shoulders and down the side of the back. At the same time, it reaches children through words that express reassurance and sense of togetherness.
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​​​​​​Finally, I tried out them out on my four-year-old daughter, paying close attention to what calmed her, what made her smile, what invited her to stay present rather than turn away.
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It was through those moments, in my home, with my own child, that the rhyme-and-touch method came into being.​​
Unwinding:
From Playful to Peaceful
​​While observing the massage therapists working with preschoolers, I noted how they positioned themselves in relation to the child, and the sequence they followed, always beginning face-to-face and treating the child’s hands or feet before moving on toward the trunk and positioning that precludes eye contact.
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I was struck by how the face-to-face position encouraged children's participation. It seemed to invite non-verbal prompts, like a child's look of puzzlement or a flicker of uncertainty, that the therapists responded to, sometimes with a smile of greeting or a nod of encouragement, other times by modifying treatment. This kind of bi-directional, non-verbal feedback is something that rarely happens, or even needs to happen, in adult massage. But it seemed uniquely suited, if not essential, for young children.
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​With these observations and insights in mind, Telephone, was placed at the opening of Lullaby Massage. Paired with a foot massage that enables face-to-face positioning and eye contact, its playful language rarely failed as a friendly icebreaker. It was followed by rhyme-and-touch pairs, arranged in a progression that transitioned in tone, from cheerful and entertaining to warm and reassuring.
In this way, feelings of connection could form, leading to attunement so that eye contact and visual feedback cues were unnecessary. At this juncture, children would find themselves increasingly able to absorb the tender and endearing flow of language and touch, as in Valentines, and gradually, I could see them allow themselves to relax and settle into a calmer state.
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Later, with the addition of full color illustrations, the color palette shifts in the same way, from bright yellows, oranges, and reds to cool shades of green, blue, and purple as the book comes to a close.
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This sequence is not coincidental. ​​As my mentor, Dr. Tiffany Field, often emphasized, relaxation does not happen instantaneously. It requires a gradual process of “unwinding”. A child who is wide-awake, overstimulated, or resistant to touch cannot be asked to become still all at once.
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So, unlike most books on massage that are organized around particular health concerns or body parts, Lullaby Massage was organized in accord with children’s emotional and behavioral state. Recognizing that some children may be bursting with energy while others may be hesitant to be touched, its rhyme-and-touch pairs are sequenced for meeting children where they are, and honors the natural rhythm of unwinding, from alertness to rest.​
More than a Bedtime Routine
Just as important as the design of the sequence is the simple fact that there is a sequence. Many books on massage do not recommend any particular order or duration of treatment, leaving users to decide what to do first, what to do next, and how long to do it. In contrast, Lullaby Massage recommends a select set of massage treatments, a particular order in which to apply them, and timing that is a built-in feature, governed by the number of poems and the length of each one.
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When I began this project, my aim was to create a pleasant bedtime routine for children. Hence the title Lullaby Massage, and a method that works beautifully as something sweet and soothing for a child to savor with a caring adult before sleep.
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What I didn’t expect was where the most compelling responses would come from.
They came not from parents of sleepy toddlers or energetic preschoolers, but from parents whose children were challenged by a range of emotional and physical difficulties.
​For some children, the deliberate sequencing in Lullaby Massage establishes consistency that feels reassuring. The ability to anticipate what comes next and know that each poem has a clear beginning and end creates a sense of familiarity and emotional readiness.
This is particularly helpful for children who are anxious or sensitive to change, as well as those who benefit from structure in order to function, including many children with attention, impulse-control, or behavioral-regulation challenges. For these children, the sequence does more than offer a pathway toward unwinding. It also nurtures the child’s sense of confidence and control, a combination that boosts openness to receiving, and thereby benefiting from, massage.​
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For other children, especially those living with disconnection, touch aversion, or sensory vulnerability, Lullaby Massage can offer a hint of connectedness. For some of their parents, it can offer a glimmer of hope for a degree of bonding that once felt out of reach.
Tellingly, some of the most heartrending feedback came from parents of children on the autism spectrum. One mother wrote on a questionnaire: “This was the first time I felt what I’d always dreamed being a mother would feel like.”
​For these parents, and for others navigating complex caregiving challenges, Lullaby Massage stands apart from many of the frequently recommended practices that tend to be corrective, overly procedural, and sometimes even harsh. Rather, it offers an experience marked by full and fulfilling contact. More than just touch, the experience integrates shared gaze, the sound and prosody of a caregiver’s voice, and the emotional message carried in the words of each poem. So, even in as little as twelve minutes, the totality of the experience resonates with children and caregivers in a way that is genuinely profound.
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Over time, my understanding of what I’ve created has been shaped by the families who entrusted me with their stories. As my understanding has evolved, so too has my commitment to continued listening and learning, and to sharing what I learn thoughtfully so that Lullaby Massage reaches the children and families who need it most.​